I remember it like it was yesterday. That feeling of relief the day after Valentine’s Day. Relief that all the attention was finally off of me. I was a single girl in a world of couples. Shame. Embarrassment. Oh, how I dreaded that day. Loathed it, actually. It was filled with loneliness. Plain and simple. All the lucky girls with their bouquets of flowers, heart boxes of chocolates, and tender cards. Blech. Heartache for the lonely. Every minute of that day I wondered if there was someone out there for me. Wondering if I would end up being alone forever?

I was wrong, but even more so than I thought.

Truth is I did not end up alone. I am married to the love of my life, and I have three beautiful children. I thank God for each of them every day. For those of you single girls, you may say, “well, of course your Valentine’s Day is full of love.” You would be right, but the difference is my perspective.

I had to learn to switch my focus from receiving to giving. Sadly, that wasn’t until I got married and had a family before I could see that. There were many opportunities I missed to bless people because I was so busy feeling sorry for myself. When my husband and children came along, I realized how fulfilling it was to give love.

Today, giving love to all the wonderful people who surround us, especially the ones who appear to reside on the cusp of love is where Christ wants us, not always in the middle of a Hallmark store. There were many things I could have done to love on the people around me, and I didn’t. Most importantly, even as a new Christian in my adult life, I never focused on the true lover of my soul. At the very least and most importantly, I could have been deep with in prayer, fighting off the expectations of this world, arming myself with His love, seeking joys, feeling gratitude, feeling love. Seeking Him.

I have celebrated 10 Valentine’s Days with my husband. Each year, we skip the flowers because he takes dozens of ordinary days to bring me flowers, many of those bouquets are red roses and some wildflowers picked from the side of the road. Each and every time, I feel loved and cherished. I have never received a heart shaped box of chocolates from him, and I am grateful for that. It reminds me that love does not come shaped in a heart and connected to chocolate. Some of our poorer years we have made cards, some have been funny, some have been sappy, all have been tender. We spend more Valentine’s Days with our kids setting family traditions and teaching them what love is truly and from where it comes, the Lord.

Most importantly, we teach our children to give to all the people around them everyday not just Valentine’s Day; remembering neighbors who need us, mail carriers, bus drivers, and the loving teachers and staff at their schools. They seek shy kids at school to bless, to encourage. We share what we have with those who don’t. We look for the people on the cusp who Jesus loves with his whole heart. We love. We pray. We ask the Lord to open our eyes and fill our hearts with His love.

I will always be grateful for the lonely years. I remember them like they were yesterday. I wish I would have had the courage to be Jesus-love in those days. While I cannot do anything about those yesterdays, I can certainly be that love today.

So can you.    

P31Wife

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22: 36-40 NIV

“Stay with me, mama,” he said.

How could I not? He had been sick for 8 days now, and I could not breathe if I left his side.

The beeping of the machines. The rise and fall of his chest. The busy chaos outside his door. The still quiet within my head. It was all there in that small room. Twenty-three floors above the ground.

It had been 8 days that I had seen his little sister and brother, felt their breath upon my cheek. My heart ached and a permanent lump had taken residence in my throat.

It had been 8 days since I had turned him over to the Lord both physically, mentally, and spiritually. I couldn’t watch as the helicopter lifted off the ground with him.

Stay.

I couldn’t do anything else.

“Lord, stay,” I begged.

Stay with me, as I held the small hand of the boy I cherished.

“Stay with me son,” I whispered as he drifted in and out.

All three of us there in that room: the Lord, the mama, the baby boy.

We stayed. 

Stop.

EDIT: Our son healed wonderfully and he was amazingly sent home after 13 days at UCSF. He had a case of the flu that turned into a devastating ordeal. We are so grateful for his recovery. This was written about a moment of time during our stay there.

Lisa Jo Baker from Gypsy Mama hosts a five minute writing project every friday and provides a community of awesome bloggers with a single topic. We write for five minutes flat and post what we write, without extreme editing! Just pure thoughts and nothing else. Click on the link above to check out other bloggers thoughts on the same topic. I would love to hear what you think! 

P31Wife

“There are two voices you usually hear, Mama.”

She is six, and loves to talk about a mile a minute when you get her in a car.

“And, God usually gets your attention first and then tells you what to do.”

Really.

“Yes, mama. God gets your attention. Kinda how he got Paul’s attention to keep him from killing Christians. Well, maybe not exactly like how He got Paul’s attention with the blinding light, but He still does.” (Acts 9)

I almost had to pull over. She was absolutely speaking Truth, and I get really excited when that happens.

“He gets you to stop doing something bad by giving you that feeling that something isn’t right. Even when Satan tells you to lie, God tells you not to. His voice is bigger than Satan’s. Satan is a bully.”

I pulled over.

“I like when God tells me to do good things most of all. Like when he tells me to help someone on the playground. Or when He told me to help my friend learn to tie her shoes. I like when He tells me to do good things. It feels good when I do what God tells me.”

Deep breaths of a proud mama with a spreading smile.

“When I took that toy I wasn’t supposed to, Mama, God told me not to. But I chose not to listen to Him. That made me feel so bad that I didn’t listen. But then I felt better when I took it back and said I was sorry. That was God.”

Tears in my eyes at the sight of the Holy Spirit in my baby girl.

Following the Holy Spirit does not have to be hard. Why do we make it? It is easy and we make it complicated when we serve our flesh rather than our spirit (Romans 8). Trusting Jesus like a child is what Jesus himself preached (Mark 10:15). The Holy Spirit is with us always and guides us if we choose to listen and obey (John 14:26).

Listen.

Obey.

Walk with God.

P31Wife

“Then the church throughout Judea, Galilee and Samariaenjoyed a time of peace and was strengthened. Living in the fear of the Lord and encouraged by the Holy Spirit, it increased in numbers,” (Acts 9:31).

Topic: Quiet

The news is deafening.

“Run to me,” He says. “Run to Me. Hide here.”

The chaos and screaming ensues but I am am still in my mind. Cowering to the pain of his words.

Quiet.

It sears.  

It bleeds.

The screaming is mine; I hear it.

“Hide here,” He says. “Stay close, Beloved.”

Despair creeps in like a stone statue of a weeping angel. She buries her head in her hands, hands and head layed down on her knees. She weeps.

“Come,” He says. “Rest here.”

Down feathers soft up on the tips of my fingers.

“Trust me.”

Stop.

Lisa Jo Baker from Gypsy Mama hosts a five minute writing project every friday and provides a community of awesome bloggers with a single topic. We write for five minutes flat and post what we write, without extreme editing! Just pure thoughts and nothing else. Click on the link above to check out other bloggers thoughts on the same topic. I would love to hear what you think!

Lisa Jo Baker from Gypsy Mama hosts a five minute writing project every friday and provides a community of awesome bloggers with a single topic. We write for five minutes flat and post what we write, without extreme editing! Just pure thoughts and nothing else. Click on the link above to check out other bloggers thoughts on the same topic. I would love to hear what you think!

TOPIC: Roots

I am a girl sitting in a field surrounded by them. Bright sunshine yellow, and I pick them. Lie back in the grass and watch the billows of clouds float by. No cares. No time frame.

I am a teenager. Striving. Racing. Lonely. Pulling them from the front yard. White weeds. One after the other. Wishing futility of a life that drags on. Wishing for love. Wishing for a white knight on a white horse to rescue while the wolves growl at the door.

I am woman. Lovingly watching them glide through the fields picking one after another. Watching. Remembering. Realizing the extensive roots that lie beneath these flowers of gold. They are dandy. Both child and flowers for mama.

They call my name: mama.

He calls my name: beloved.

Their roots extensive. 

In Him, they grow. 

In me, they grow.

Stop.

P31Wife

What a month October has been: a month of growth and blessings. Thank you for taking the 31 Day Writing Challenge with me. As always, God blesses the writer before the reader. He has blessed me outrageously this month by through the challenge, and I hope you found blessings sprinkled throughout as well. You can read the whole series here on this link. One of my favorite posts “Don’t Miss Your Life” you can find here. The post, “The Perfect and Good Girl with Potential,” where I was most vulnerable and God grew me the most, you can read here. Will you please share it? God has something mighty to say through my journey, and I know there are others who want to hear it. We serve an awesome God, don’t we? He works in amazing and unexpected ways.  

One of the many things I learned in October was the importance of perseverance to our moral character. To be honest, writing for 31 days straight was a bit of a marathon. I am glad I persevered, and by the grace of God I feel like I served Him well. Around every turn, I wanted to write about one thing, and God said no dig deeper. Through obedience, I was able to bring His message and not mine. On the other side of things, that feels peaceful. I am on the right path (2 Peter 1: 1-8).

This month held many lessons for both myself and my children. I am looking forward to writing about how they taught me about serving the Lord. There is nothing more humbling than learning how to serve Christ from the very children who you are trying to teach (John 3:16). 

I am also following Ann Voskamp and her thoughts on gratitude this month. If you haven’t heard of Ann and her book one thousand gifts, you should stop what you are doing and read! I am documenting all that I am grateful for this month by doing the November Joy Dare. I will be sharing some of that with you here, on the P31Wife Facebook page, and Twitter @plumbers31wife. Join me, won’t you please? It doesn’t have to be a fancy journal. Maybe its a piece of notebook paper on the fridge. Just document this month all that you are grateful to God for. We will journey towards a heart full of gratitude together.

My prayer for us this month is a heart of gratitude and humility focused on the Lord and His many blessings. “And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him,” (Colossians 3:17 NIV). Memorize this with me this month?

I am grateful for you. I am grateful for this opportunity to serve you. There are two things right already!

Love,

P31Wife

“A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies,” (Proverbs 31:10)

Day 1 of November Joy Dare: honeycrisp apple, warm oatmeal, homemade pumpkin seeds

There comes a time where you have to lay your burdens down and surrender. If you are like me, may be you try every avenue stubbornly. May be you think in the back of your mind “if I can just get to the point of thin, I could maintain it.” May be you try one more quick fix, one more unhealthy treatment for your body, your temple. When you are done with the quick fixes and done trying to do it on your own, try Jesus. Surrender yourself and sing a new song for Him. He can help you.

“To whom will you compare me?

Or who is my equal?” says the Holy One.

Lift your eyes and look o the heavens:

Who created all these?

He who brings out the starry host one by one,

and calls them each by name.

Because of his great power and mighty strength,

not one of them is missing.

He alone can fill voids. He alone can pull our lives together. Take the steps needed to change your relationship with Christ.

Why do you say, O Jacob,

and complain, O Israel,

“My way is hidden from the Lord;

my cause is disregarded by my God”?

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

With Jesus directing our journeys He will never tire of our struggles. His grace will never run out. He is an everlasting God, and we cannot be disregarded by God.

He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the Lord

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint” (Isaiah 40:25-31).

It is exhausting to do this on your own. We can try, but ultimately we tire ourselves out.  We look for acceptance, value, and comfort from any other source but the True Source. Jesus waits for us, my friend. He longs to fill our voids and heal our hurts. He wants us to soar like eagles. This journey can be conquered with Christ. We can sing a new song. We need only to trust Him and obey.

God has blessed me tenfold through this series. I have enjoyed writing and posting His many blessings and lessons the last 31 days. He fills me up, and I spill out His love.

I will continue to write His story of love and abundance through my weight loss journey. I pray you will join me as I do. Look for Weight on Wednesdays on P31Wife.

Praying for our journeys sisters,

P31Wife

Throughout this series, I have been writing about how to look at weight loss with a different lens. A lens that focuses on Christ, his love for us, and the amazing Holy Spirit He left us with. I am not going to tell you anything new today.

Jesus is my super power. He rocks my world every single day. I get into trouble and He hears my call every time. Just today, I let the enemy have a stronghold. He answered. The soft quiet familiar voice of the Holy Spirit floods through my body like fog. He says, “no, beloved, that is not who you are anymore. You are new. I am in you.” And just like that I lift my eyes back to the Lord. It is that simple, but not always easy for our flesh. It takes obedience, and Christ supplies the self control.

Paul tells us in Ephesians that we are a new identity in Christ. He tells the believers at Ephesus “to look at their relationships with God in a new way. He helps them to discover what this new life “in Christ” is, and how to live in Christ and how to face struggles of life through Christ’s power,” (NIV Women of Faith Study Bible, pg. 1927). I am asking you to do the same thing for your weight loss journey.

Jesus fills us with hope and power. What better super powers? He stands beside us as we trudge through the trenches of this world offering us grace and solace. We must only accept. Accept, dear sister! We cannot do this alone. He is our only super power.

Praying,

P31Wife

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

Join me tomorrow for Day 31 and where we go from here.

I used to want to be the perfect and good girl with potential. So perfect that no one would ever leave me or lie to me or tell me I was unlovable. So much potential that I had lots of possibilities to be good and perfect. I tried so hard. It was a tough cycle to follow, but I kept at it. I worked hard at showing everyone just how perfect and good I was. In fact, I almost convinced myself.

I came to Christ for the first time in 2001. I came empty-handed with nothing to give Him, except bag upon bag of sin. It was unfeasible to me that I could lay it all down before Him, and He’d actually take it. Before Jesus could refuse, I grabbed a couple of bags of my potential and took them with me. Consequently, I left with my potential.

The first time I went to church, I sat in the parking lot almost hyperventilating. In my heart, I wasn’t quite good enough yet. When I walked through the doors I thought for sure the sirens would blare and everyone would see me for the fraud I was. I was a nearly perfect and good girl but I was full of potential. It was obvious to me. Surely, the church would see that too.

The harder I tried to be the perfect and good girl, the more I realized it had nothing to do with anyone not loving me, lying to me, or leaving me. It was just me wasting a lot of time.

Until the day, I actually saw myself the way Jesus did. I stopped being someone else’s latent possibility, and started acting like the wonderfully and fearfully made girl I was made to be. I was a messy, broken, overweight, beautiful, breakable, lovable girl, and I belonged to a King.

The layers of potential started to peel away.

I changed the way I saw myself and a paradigm shifted.

You can change too.

Shed a layer of your potential.

This doesn’t mean that no one lies to me. It doesn’t mean that no one will tell me that they don’t love me or I won’t be hurt or disappointed. Those things still happen and are still painful. What it does mean is that there is One who loves me and will never leave me, and I don’t have to be perfect for Him to love me.

I don’t need potential.

Stop being who you think you should be, and be who you are to Jesus. Be who the Lord made you to be, even if that is messy and broken. In fact, we glorify Him the most when we are messy and broken.

Strip away the layers of the perfect and good girl with potential.

You may find that has everything to do with your weight loss journey.

I did.

Praying,

P31Wife

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them,” (Psalm 139: 13-16).

I am prone to wander. It is in my nature. I take rabbit trails. I lazily look for short cuts. I get distracted by beauty. I get caught up in the moment and toss off pressing responsibilities. I have a horrible sense of direction because I am too busy having fun riding along. God knows this about me. He made me sensitive to my surroundings. He made me an artist so that I could witness His beauty and write about it.

He also blessed me with the gift of discernment. Praise Jesus. Otherwise, I may never reach my destination. Yes, I am prone to wander, but I am not lost. Neither are you. If you find yourself off your path. Stop. Find your direction with the calling of His name. He will turn you around and set you on your way. Traveling in His direction. Toward His goals. For His glory.

Do. Not. Give. Up.

Everyone looses their way sometimes. Come back to Jesus. He is your starting point and finish line. If I had given up every time I had wandered off, I would not be here at the Masters feet before you. Praise God.

You can do it, my friend.

He is full of mercy.

“Then Jesus told them this parable: “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent,”( Luke 15: 3-7).

Praying,

P31Wife

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iR7MXFupz6E